In The Business Writer, Verne Meyer, John Van Rys, and Pat Sebranek explain that workplace writing communicates two messages:
- The direct message stated in the actual words and ideas
- The implied message suggested in the writer's voice, or special way of expressing him- or herself
The authors state, "Voice is the between-the-lines message that your readers get whether you want them to or not. The result may be good or bad."
The following passages show how important it is to project the appropriate voice in business writing. When the voice is off kilter, the writing suffers from a lack of credibility, trustworthiness, sincerity, or so on.
From a Cover Message to Department Heads
I've revised the New-Employee Orientation Checklist to make it much easier for new employees to become familiar with day-to-day procedures. My revision should shorten the time it takes for new employees to learn their assignments, company policies, and department procedures.…
To help new employees become familiar with day-to-day procedures, Human Resources has revised the New-Employee Orientation Checklist. The revised checklist should shorten the time it takes for new employees to learn their assignments, company policies, and department procedures.…
Discussion: In the first passage, the writer is too full of him-or herself ("I've revised…" and "My revision…"); the voice suggests arrogance and/or overconfidence and detracts from the actual purpose of the message. The voice in the second passage keeps the attention where it should be, on the new checklist.
From an Adjustment Letter
We've investigated the malfunction of the ATV 16 drives that you installed for American Linc Company. Here's what we've discovered, plus what we're willing to do.
Your patience and understanding has been greatly appreciated while we've investigated the malfunction of the ATV 16 drives that you have installed for American Linc Company. I apologize for the inconvenience this has caused your company and American Linc. Below is a description of the problem, along with our solution.
Discussion: The voice in the first passage suggests disinterest and/or insincerity and certainly wouldn't be well received. The voice in the next passage is polite and sincere, and sets an appropriate tone.
From a Reply to an Inquiry
Your plans for a resort are awesome. What vision! Let's continue the dialogue to see if our bank can make your dream become a reality.
Thank you for your inquiry yesterday about financing your resort project. I enjoyed discussing your project and appreciated your frankness about your current loan with Boulder National Bank.
Discussion: The voice in the first passage is too emotional and flowery, and thus not believable or trustworthy. The polite, professional tone in the second passage is much more appropriate for business-related correspondence.
From a Progress Report
Here is the Annual Progress Report for Hope Services' charity to foreign or nonwhite families in the Newtown district for July 1, 2000, through June 30, 2008.
Please accept this Annual Progress Report concerning Hope Services' work with disadvantaged families in the Newtown district for fiscal year July 1, 2000, through June 30, 2008.
Discussion: The voice in the first passage projects a biased, demeaning tone with the use of "foreign or nonwhite families." The second passage expresses the appropriate sensitivity to families in need by not calling out any particular groups.
Best Advice: Try to write as if you are discussing the topic with your peers or clients in a professional, polite, and sincere way. Such a voice will always make a good impression - and get your message across in the appropriate way.
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